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Back then, it was referred to as “abusing oneself”. I tried to stay busy and exercise to manage these urges, but when that did not work, masturbation (usually in conjunction with anal stimulation) became my “drug of choice”, as it were. I thought marriage would alleviate the need for this, and it did, for a while. But, compulsive, addictive behaviors are hard to break, and I found myself despairing over my lack of self-control. An even greater threat to my battered conscience was my growing desire for close physical intimacy with another male. Throughout my life, my traditional Southern upbringing and church teaching consistently taught me that such desires and behaviors are, at best, morally disordered, and at worst - well, you get the idea. Right or wrong, this was poured into my foundation from the very beginning. So, it should not have come as a surprise that this would be a source of emotional turmoil, especially when these thoughts occasionally gave way to outright craving for. I started to tell her to drive to our favorite Mexican eatery we loved. "But Poppy wait a minute, let me tell you what happened at the airport, Ok? "I got out of the car, put on the leather jacket only closing only the first button below my titties. It forced my titties to bounce upwards as I walked showing a little bit of my hard dark nipples. The other open buttons showed off my upper inner legs and thighs as I walked towards people". "I was walking towards these 3 guys (1 Latino & 2 blacks) that were really checking out my titties at first, then my ass as I walked in from the car". "Poppy, they were undressing me with their eyes as I walked around waiting for your plane. I went for a glass of wine, and they kept themselves in a place where they could eyeball me easily. I took a seat, and sipped the wine where I could see the people arriving through the gate" and they were still watching me. "One big black guy wearing loose baggy shorts came over and sat in a seat across from me..
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